Updated: Feb 2
We all have our own styles! Style in cooking, clothing, decorating, learning and even in dealing with challenging situations. Does it ring a bell? In parenting, the first thing that we connect to challenging situation is our child's temper tantrums.
Being a mom of 2 is such a magical gift and it's a full-time job. I've learned that each child is different from another even if you are raising them the same way.
I have read several books, attended trainings and learned best practices from my former brilliant mentors but the power is still in us. It's our choice to be proactive, to respond positively or to react in every situation. My kids are 5 years apart and it gave me ample time to understand the use of "cause and effect". But I am still learning every single day.
My first born is a gradeschooler and my youngest is a toddler. They both have likes and dislikes. They laugh and play together and there were times they argue and scream at each other. I had been in the same situation for countless times. I taught in preschool for three years and I've learned from my own mistakes. I used to react negatively. I'll say :"It's so stressful., This is so annoying., The chaos is getting into my head.". Well, it's not really healthy. Being upset of the situation will only cause stress and of course wrinkles. But why react when there's a way to resolve a conflict.
The Power of Cause and Effect
First let's get into the roots. What's the cause of the behavior? What's the effect of the behavior to the environment? With others? I am the kind of parent and educator who never practiced "Time-out" or "stand in the corner" because I believe that communication is the best way to understand my child's behavior. In some school setting, they have a "peace corner", where the student can sit down, reflect and read books. In our home, we have a mini library filled with values-centered books, calming essential oils and relaxing hues that promote comfort and tranquility.
It is very important to identify the cause of the tantrums and the negative behavior ( example: if the child hurts another child.)
It's the same thing in handling the situation.
Ask yourself these questions: Why am I frustrated? Why my child is upset? Why my child is crying? Why are they hurting each other? What can I do about it?
I usually ask my child why he/she is upset. Then connect it to the effect.
As a proactive teacher/parent, I try to get ahead of the situation.
Here are some examples:
During mealtime, I keep away all the desserts and snacks that will distract them from eating their meals. I only let them see the food that they will eat.
Before traveling, I make sure I packed the things that will make them busy such as books, tablet, snacks and water. We also play, I spy game during our travel to keep their minds busy.
Before bedtime, I tell my kids that lights off will be at 9:00 p.m., I usually remind them every10 minutes so their minds are prepared too. I transition them by preparing their beds, lullaby and diffusing lavender oils. There were moments when my kids refused to go to bed even though I reminded them already. So, I have learned to do a countdown game. I raise an interesting bedtime book and lie on the bed with them.
Cookies! What about cookies? Our kids want to consume more. They are unaware of their sugar intake so if I want them to eat cookies or anything sweet. I only give them pieces. Max of 3. The tendency of giving them the whole box (in a blink of an eye) it's all gone then you will reprimand your child or you will take away the box that will surely make them upset.
Children are still learning to adapt to change. It''s essential to give them time, we call this "transition". If your child needs to take a shower but he/she is still playing with her toys., Tell your child that in 5-minutes the bathroom will be ready for his/her hot shower. Sudden shift and forcing them to do what we want them to do will just trigger temper tantrums.
Children can really sense our emotions and moods. They may not say directly to us but they can feel us. If we're stress, they're stressed out too because we're passing the same vibrations to them. If we're happy then they're happy. If we can acknowledge our own emotions, we would be able to acknowledge their feelings, their actions and we can definitely come up with a best resolution.
So, take all those stress away. Parenting should never be stressful since our children are the best gifts ever. A simple hug would really work.
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